More Faith, Fewer Sofas Indicated

The downward spiral feeling is a feeling. Feelings are not facts. One day at a time. Let go and let Gd. Easy does it. More will be Revealed. Keep it Simple, Sweetheart.

I’m loaded on slogans but also a wee bit of adrenalized panic on a bad day, simple impatience on a good day. Tempered by really really really really wanting to do this Big Life Transition better (?) than the big life transitions I’ve done before.

I’d tell a friend: re-characterize the threat stress to challenge stress! It’s not “Holy crap I ditched everything and now I’m drifting alone, purposeless, in the cold, dark sea!” Rather, it’s: “How exciting! I get to create a whole new life that fits who I am today with the support of all my ancestors, descendants, and the divine ever-evolving life force that surrounds me.” Repeat seven zillion times, all day, every day. Or something like that.

I buy it, I believe it, but inconsistently. A friend of mine has a kind of personal slogan that says, “I have a deep and abiding faith that comes and goes.” I get it. With the faith stuff I’m taking other people’s word for it a lot of the time. Apparently that’s legit - act as if, fake it til ya make it, whatever gets me through the night … And sure, there’s always uncertainty yada yada but sometimes the terrifying - er, exhilarating - vastness is more glaring than others.

In the past, to get away from the hideous feeling of not knowing, of rootlessness, I’ve grasped and leapt as quickly as possible to the next identity, the next project, the next relationship, the next city that would save me from the agony of uncertainty.

Today, I’m not doing that. I’m noticing my discomfort, choosing to call in divine assistance for guidance moving forward. Opening to the notion that growing where planted (slogan) is an option.

The biggest decision afoot is I am considering jettisoning the white linen sofas that are so very beautiful, but so sub-optimal for the pet/teenager/chill zone vibe. I’m thinking about it, but pausing decisions for today, probably tomorrow too. I have a feeling there might not be a sofa solution for this situation. I’m gonna keep going.

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