Love to You/Note to Self

I felt crappy, I did some stuff to feel better, some of it didn’t work, I tried other stuff.  Some of that didn’t work.  But some of it did.  I did more of the stuff that did work, and it worked for a while.  I felt mostly okay, most of the time.  But then the stuff that was helping me feel okay started making me feel not okay.  

I felt not okay, then pretty rotten, while trying to get what used to work to work again.  It didn’t.  Eventually I gave up and tried other stuff.  Some worked, some didn’t.  I did more of what worked.  

Now I feel mostly okay most of the time, and sometimes pretty great.  BUT sometimes not so great, and even now, sometimes crappy.  But I’ve got something now that is different from when I was starting out, something I’d like to give you — and that’s this faith that I matter, that my feeling good is important enough to take action towards, to ask for help, and to get on when I’m slumping.  

I also have faith, based on my experience, that healing happens.  That it can happen — even if things seem completely, completely bleak and hopeless.  There’s this kind of loose attention, a sliver of possibility, I can put in that direction rather than only staring at the problems that’s helpful.

And then we get, I get, more direction towards the light, and then suddenly days or years later that feeling of - usefulness, peace, joy, bliss, contentment, courage, faith, fortitude, that kind of thing, whatever the absence of desperate despair is — it’s quite lovely — is the new normal.  

And then what I’ve been taught, what I’ve learned, is the way to keep that ride going is to give it away to others.  Pay it forward, give the recipe, give the love.  So there ya go.  I’m gonna keep going.  

www.livingeveryminuteofit.com

ps. I’m feeling better thank you for asking.  Keeping it 4.5/5 👍