Putting the Woohoo! in Woo Woo …

So, it’s time to talk about what some people call mindfulness, some people call being awake or present, and some people call just not being an a-hole. Knowing what’s happening on the inside helps have awareness and choices around what I’m doing on the outside so that I have a chance of making decisions and taking actions that help me and those around me feel better more of the time — better that is than if I were just bulldozing through life trying to fill my insatiable need for love, money, power, status, pleasure, security … I could go on.  

When the drive for specific externals and specific feelings interferes with having a nice time in my own head or coexisting peacefully with others, I know I’ve gotten on the wrong track.

How do I know? Because I’ve done this dance before — many times: When this happens I will be happy.  If he does this I will be happy.  If I make this much I will be happy.  If I get my hair this color I will be happy.

And yes, momentary happiness occurs.  And it goes. Raise your hand if you’ve noticed that when the new comforter comes the drapes look shabby, or the report card comes and the A’s are outshined by the A-‘s or worse!  It’s true I love my fake blonde hair, but it will grow out, and frankly, this face is pretty sun damaged.  There are a LOT of things I could do about that if my well-being really depends on my outward appearance.

So where do I draw the line and stop chasing? What is enough? Where is my well-being and self-worth, my identity coming from? Do I even need any of that or is all this blah blah blah just another story I’ve been sold - I mean I’ve purchased, intentionally, looking for solutions outside myself.  

These solutions are more socially acceptable (in my current social circle, different from circles I’ve haunted before) — therapy! My therapist will tell me how to deal with being how I am! Psychiatry — my psychiatrist, she’ll cure me! Nutritionist! Acupuncturist! Intuitive Reader! Pastor! Rabbi! Yoga teacher!  Workshop leader! Bodyworker! MDs, PhD’s, MA’s, DPT’s, Naturopaths, Osteopaths, all the -paths, the -ists, the herbalists, the sound bowl healing practitioners.  

And, what am I saying?  I’m saying I’m glad I’ve had the opportunity to benefit from a lot of consumption and learning over the years.  And, that what I’ve learned is I can’t outsource my “mental health” if you want to call it that.  It’s my job, every day, to notice and to address.  And if I don’t know how to notice or I forget how to notice, it’s my job to seek help.  

“I need help!” Or, just, “Help!” is where it starts, is where it started, for me.  Not with the buying modalities but with the realization that these people, these providers, are here to help me. But I am not their experiment.  I am my own experiment.  I belong to the universe, and to the part inside of me that loves to grow, to learn, to love, and - shit ya - to laugh.  Live, love, laugh, like the coffee mug says.  

It’s laughable, the self-created torture and torment I’ve endured, and how simple it is to get out of it.  Whoohoo!  Next: Staying out longer, coming back faster, or just being cool being not that cool, being me.  I’m gonna keep going.  

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