My Moods, My Highlights, All of It

So I know what happened when I hit the lows last week, the 1 or 2 out of 5 moods — I got tired, run down, then overdid it, got sick, got isolated, got sad.  And I know how I got out of it: I shared my grief with others, received love, kept resting the bod, started feeling better, felt better.

To celebrate I took Brownie for a leisurely nature walk, had lunch out with a girlfriend, and got my hair done. Yay life!

I’m still mysteriously low energy.  Like fewer active hours in the day are available than I like, and when I break I fall asleep, which isn’t my normal normal. But it is my truth, today. I can accept it and take appropriate action or fight it, and put myself back in 2’s.

So I’m accepting and taking action.  I’m getting a blood test, eating clean, and doing all the things.  I’m noticing my mind’s hyperactivity, its propensity to panic, its pull to compare and despair, to rebel against a reality that - if I pause and change my perspective - is not dire, is most likely going to pass, and could be seen even as a gift.  I’m so lucky my family’s well-being does not require me to have more energy than I have.  I can do everything I must do, I just have to - I get to - reduce the extras and stop fighting it.  

It’s amazing how my brain, the head chatter, the background  mental stress habit flares up even after having had it so well managed for such a long time.  And then I get to notice, again, and come back, again, to something like peace, something like balance, even in the face of not feeling exactly how I’d prefer to feel in this life that doesn’t look exactly how I’d prefer it to look.  Sometimes sunny, sometimes gray.  My mood, my hair, the sky, the earth, all of it.  I’m gonna keep going. 

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