Hello Again, Evie / I Know What I Need to Know

I know what I need to know. For some reason, in the life swirl of life-ness I forget to fully walk the talk of being who I am in the world — I think there’s a slightly better or different version of me that would make me happier, others happier, and if I get to that place then, and only then, will I let her shine.

And that’s crap. Because the me that wants me to be me, only different, is always looking for a little bit more/better/somethin somethin else to be satisfied. “What’s next? More please! Nice try. Not good enough,” is her constant feedback.

Hello again, Evie! My inner critic Evie is a sneaky one, and she’s in cahoots with, fed and validated by, basically the entire secular capitalist structure which tells me I need to buy more and make more (be productive!) to be okay.

And it’s always more, whatever it is — money, looks, “health”, accolades — but anything works — even the spiritual wellness industry has Evie’s playbook — be More mindful, More eco-conscious, More at peace with the oneness of the divine, More … something.  And hey, these are all okay, but the never-satisfied hungry ghost vibes can weaponize the loftiest aspirations and make them unhelpful to actual true self expression in the world.

And I know I have a note to play, and so do you. And I want to hear yours and I want you to hear mine, even if Evie - who I know is trying to be helpful, but isn’t - thinks my note is … not okay. She’s wrong.

So, balance, breathing, clarity. When I slow down, appallingly, shamefully slow, and take a clear assessment of my life, my relationships, my values, how am I doing? Is there actual tweaking indicated? Always. Is Evie DJ-ing my experience with her yousuck playlist, even if now it’s on low volume or dressed up in reasonable-sounding goals and obsessions? How is that working for me?

Can I give myself the gift, the grace, to do what it takes to listen to that other DJ, the felt seen heard sense of belonging to this world and also something much more powerful, to a greater knowing that whatever this life is, it will pass, and I get to enjoy it one moment at a time, or not.  What matters most to me? I’m gonna keep going.

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