Selfish New Year

Earlier today I flashed back to New Year’s Eve in New York in my 20’s, another life long ago. I was losing my mind trying to coordinate seeing all the friends at all the parties - making sure this one was here at this time and that one was there at that time and we were all together at 11:59 at this other place because … and my buddy Jeremiah who I was trying to herd, told me, “Don’t worry about anyone else — have a selfish New Year — go where you want with whoever you want.”

I was flabbergasted. I had no idea which party or person I wanted to go to without it being to facilitate someone else’s good time or to make sure I was showing up where I was “supposed to be”.

I guess I really wanted to be everywhere with everyone all together loving each other and dancing and enjoying. But I never found that utopian place, not that night, and not any other night since.

I even went through a hosting phase, to try to create that hub where friendship and community could grow, and for different phases it felt like maybe it was working. But eventually people go home, have jobs or kids or lives to do.

Resting my peace of mind on being where and with whom my ego thought I should be was exhausting and unsustainable in my 20’s. Today I’m my best plus-one and wherever I am is the place I want to be.

This year there’s no place I’d rather be than home. I’m gonna keep going.