Fighting Fire with Kerosene

I’ve surveyed about 83 divorced people so far and they all said getting divorced was very very hard. The other commonality I’ve noticed is that they all survived.

Of course, it’s not a scientific sample, but I’ve found this research reassuring, if unhelpful in telling me what to actually do to get through the transition and be okay post-divorce.

Because, you know, my ex and I, we’ve been committed to the idea of a “good divorce,” of getting along and being kind for the sake of each other and our child and all these lovely-sounding things. Which are actually happening.

And yet, I can’t stop crying and everything hurts and in the really bad moments I find myself wondering why or if any of this needed to happen this way. Which is fighting with the past, which is arguing with reality, which is fighting fire with kerosene.

It’s the opposite of the serenity prayer. Plus it’s mean. So with you as my witness I am coming out as survey-ee number 84: getting divorced, even good divorced, is very very hard, and my family and I will survive. I’m gonna keep going.

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