Sometimes Seeking Works

I’ve been a little hungry for a little something something something and I targeted online learning as the thing that might sate the current craving.  Also re-doing the kitchen, bathrooms, adding a 2nd story, moving to Bali, and getting Brownie going on agility training — but of those options, a little online learning for me seemed most doable.  For now. 

So I started shopping.  I enrolled in one class, a series of four 1-hour weekly sessions on mindfulness as a treatment for generalized anxiety disorder.  Okay, the first class was … pretty dry … but also informative … but also the mindfulness practice part was for me the best part.  So okay, let’s follow that — 

More mindfulness classes!!! I’ve done a few workshops and am acquainted with some mindfulness-ish teachers and institutions of various flavors so I started googling with them.  I found a year-long, another year-long, an in-person retreat (yes! I mean no …), several intro-kinda  things that seemed to be selling the concept rather than supporting a practice … a bunch of neuroscience-flavored stuff, performance-enhancement flavored stuff, Buddhist-flavored stuff, Christian-y stuff, Recovery-ish stuff, Yoga-y stuff.  It all sounded somewhat appealing, somewhat not … I floundered, I didn’t bite.

I whined to my friend Jule, “I effing win.  I have managed to stress myself out shopping for mindfulness classes.”

Jule said, “Just do the one class you’re already doing and then do the stuff you’ve learned from that class!”

“Ugh,” I said.  “Right,” I said.  “Less is more,” I said.  But I did keep shopping, keep seeking a something something something.  As I looked the notion “a container, a bit of structure,” for what I already do became the focus.  Less about filling up and more about channeling in. a slightly more disciplined way.  Gently. 

And then, randomly, a friend I’d been bugging to do something woo woo, or creative, or just, anything with, called me up and asked if I wanted to join their “creative mastermind” group — YES.  Yes I did.  And I’m so happy.  It’s just a little something something something.  Just right.  For now.  So sometimes seeking works.  I’m gonna keep going.  

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