Safe, Open, & Alive
Where does the feeling of safety and spaciousness come from? That solid, powerful, soft, flexible, open, loving feeling? The feeling of being able to meet others and myself with respect, comfort, love, peace, maybe. even. joy. Something like bliss? Vibrancy? Aliveness? Ya, that’s #goals #mood #availabletomerightnow
So what the heck am I doing when I’m not feeling that way, when I’m not riding that warm thrilling secure refreshing current that runs through everything - that I’ve felt my very own self running through me from time to time - that I’ve read about and heard about from so many sources?
Some people call it Gd consciousness. Some people call it flow. Some people call it all kinds of things. Some people do all kinds of stuff to get it, that feeling. Some people blow up their whole lives seeking.
But some people, some people, and these are the people I’m watching, learning from, and trying to emulate, they’re getting it, they’re feeling it, WHILE living in plain sight, with the marriages, the kids, the jobs, the ten extra pounds, the imperfect smorgasbord of living in this world, this place, this time.
I don’t have to join a commune or ditch my leaning-bougie value system to find that freedom. It’s here. I get to open myself up to it, learn my ever-evolving own personal hacks for not closing off to it, and repeat. And get a lot of help from others. Like, a lot.
I’m no longer shy about asking for help — or I am shy and I do it anyway. The people who know me know that me asking for help sometimes shows up as a phone call or text, something like, “Hey what’s up? Checking in just saying hi!” And then whatever happens happens.
Sometimes I need to give my higher self a jingle, “Hey, what’s up? Checking in!” Like when the froth of this plane of existence has got me thinking I need more this or more that, or I’m terribly scared about losing this or not getting that, I get to remember, oh right, my thinking brain. There it goes.
Checking in! What do I need to feel safer, more spacious, more alive, right now?
And usually it’s really not a second home or a new career or a new family or a new butt. Usually it’s a drink of water or a piece of fruit or a few minutes with closed eyes breathing. Sometimes just a semi-automatic thought shift. “Oh right, I felt not okay, but I am okay. Right now I am safe, I can drop whatever thoughts are swirling and get some space. I can take a minute or two and be with the is-ness. It’s safe to not fill up every second seeking inner peace through external action.” I get to stop it. Stop picking the scab and heal.
And then sometimes I get to pay the bill I don’t want to pay, meet the deadline I don’t want to meet, or wash the dishes I don’t want to wash. Sometimes there’s an actual Thing I get to address and take care of.
But a lot of the time, for me, it’s not a thing. It’s a thought, it’s a feeling. I’m not okay. It’s not okay. That person is not okay. And I’m learning/I’ve learned that for me the thoughts/feelings type issues are most effectively addressed by working the thoughts/feelings rather than continuing to engage in the ever-exhausting and futile chase outside. What a relief! I’m gonna keep going.
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Please contact me if you’d like to chat about this stuff.
