Hitting Pause, Hitting Play

My next class starts the day after tomorrow and I looked at the syllabus and started reading the textbook and I could feel my whole self kinda droop into droop mode almost immediately. I want to be interested, and I’m willing to dig into challenge, but it’s also Summertime, my kiddo is young not much longer, and I get to hit pause on this project.  

So today I’m 99.9% sure that’s what I’m going to do.  Pause for the Summer, and possibly resume in the Fall. Perhaps somewhere else, perhaps something else, perhaps just more volunteering with what I’ve got to offer, now, as-is, rather than getting a whole new set of skills and knowledge to do a different version of what I do now.  

Don’t get me wrong: real therapists are real helpful for a lot of people, myself included.  That doesn’t mean I need to become one.  Like, I really like massages so I trained to be a massage therapist (bodyworker), but it turned out I didn’t actually want to give people massages.  And I really love yoga and I trained to teach yoga, but it turned out I didn’t really love teaching yoga.  Except to my family, on occasion.  And I believed in justice and fighting for the rights of others and so I went to law school, and that turned out the way that turned out.

So there’s this thing I’ve noticed that I do which is think about something in the abstract and then pursue it in real life without regard to my actual engagement level.  So I’m noticing that this path I’ve chosen most recently seems quite focused on a medical model of diagnosis amd treatment, and what’s most fascinating for me these days is more the idea that we are actually not sick, not aberrant, but that we are mostly okay how we are, and needing more love and support to be that, and feel okay about it, in the face of ideas and messages that we’re not okay.  Something like that.  

So after a long slog of feeling and thinking I wasn’t okay as I am I’ve developed a bit of a recipe for feeling better and that’s what I do want to encourage you to do too.  And I’d like to be a support in that endeavor and for now the way I’m doing that is by telling you my own stuff.  But what’s also true is that I enjoy the telling you part, so if you’re reading this then you’re helping me too.  Thanks.  I’m gonna keep going.

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