Too Much is Too Much - The Lesson Repeats Until Learned

Oops I did it again. I took on a tad more than is comfortable for me because it seemed like an awesome idea on paper and now I’m uncomfortable. I don’t want to admit that because I’d prefer to be just a little bit better, with just a little bit more capacity, and a little bit better body and bigger pocketbook and bigger house and bigger brain and better socialized dog and more coordinated furniture and less clutter and more healthy snack choices and less screen time and more equanimity and longer telemeres and more consistent organizational methodologies and cuter shoes and and and and and and and. And it was all going so dang well. It really was.

We were happy, content, taking care of what needed taking care of, feeling stable, and then I took on this thing and it turned out, possibly, that my bandwidth is more fixed than elastic, or at least not as elastic as I’d prefer it to be. That I am more like a limited pie kind of thing and less like an expand the pie kind of thing, where taking on this in fact does take away from that.

And while I thought the That was not necessary, could go, I didn’t totally see how fragile - yes, fragile - the house of well-being of me really is. The That, which could go, has an impact on These Other Things, which can’t. And it sucks. Because I wanted to be ready for more. I had a concept and on paper it all seemed like such a good idea. It looked perfect.

And I can keep going. I could keep going. Or I could notice what’s happening, learn the lesson, and have the courage to let that seemingly perfect but clearly not perfect thing go, again, recognize that now is not the time for that, again, and move on, and be grateful I get to choose how I want to live today. I’m gonna keep going.

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