Discernment/The Firm Hand of Kindness

So I asked Susan and Bill Morgan, two of my fave mindfulness peeps who happen to be running a donation-based online series starting this weekend hint hint, if they had any thoughts on getting better at, essentially knowing when to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, when to walk away, and of course, when to run.  

Specifically, as you all know, I’m fairly invested in maintaining my own hard-earned serenity, sobriety, non-edgy, bitchy, and miserable most-of-the time status. My attitude of gratitude if you will.  And for all kinds of reasons we can talk about over coffee sometime, doing what it takes to effectively manage this mind/body/spirit of mine for optimal performance (feeling okay or even good enough to be useful to others and enjoy life more often than not) takes some ongoing maintenance lifestyle choice stuff I didn’t always know I needed to do and I certainly didn’t always want to do.  

Or, as my friend Holly says, “You wanted the Cadillac but you didn’t want to make the payments.”

In my case, the Cadillac is the capacity to show up for people and causes that matter to me — and for extra bonus points — to show up in a way that conveys my brighter, more generous, more loving self.  Ya, her.  The well-rested one.  The less defensive and fearful one.  The one who knows we are all doing the best we can, together, even though my best may not look like what you want it to look like and, by the way, back atcha.  

And I love you anyway.  I forgive you and I forgive myself for not being exactly how I’d design a perfect person.  I need to, I get to, constantly remember none of this earthly plane is mine or for keeps.  

So what am I doing here?  How am I spending this precious day?  Am I asking for the love I need in a way that my loved ones can hear it?  Am I giving people the opportunity — the full opportunity — to show me they care in the way I want them to show me?  And am I asking for help showing them?  How can I be a better ____ (wife, mother, teammate) to you right now?  How can I support you in your goal of ____?  

Am I willing to push these conversations, kindly, so that I, we, don’t leave anything on the table after this round is up? 

So anyway, back to the question:  Hold or Fold? What happened was, I took on a new project, a new commitment, and it’s - yup - weighing down one side of the scale in a way that’s disrupting the equilibrium of (Internal Capacity to Deal with Stuff) must be equal to or greater than (External Stuff to Deal With) or else = feeling and acting suboptimal.

And so knowing that I get to up my capacity as much as possible with nutrition, sleep, exercise, playtime, meditation, therapy, placebo of choice, etc, etc. and that also consider the option of lowering the other side of the equation, the stuff to deal with side.  What if I just let this thing go?  Really?  Is there a way to lower it without all/nothing abandoning it?  

And so that’s the discernment — when to use the firm hand of kindness (You can do it! Keep going!  Have a glass of water and get back at it, Tiger!) and when to use the soft hand of kindness (You are worthy even if you let that go, that thing that is too much for you today - there, there Little One, it’s okay, you are okay, keep going, without that pursuit - the world will continue). 

So these are some of the considerations I’m considering today, for myself, as I move along, as gracefully as I can given all the givens, feeling grateful that I get to make the payments on my Cadillac of choice today, one day at a time, mindfully, deliberately, lovingly to self and others.  I’m gonna keep going. 

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