Clean House

Mike noticed the post-it note stuck to the side of my computer monitor and read, “trust god, help others, and then what’s that thing in the middle?”

“Clean house,” I said. “It’s metaphorical.”

“Ah, ‘metaphorical’ okay that makes sense,” he said, eyeing the avalanche of papers, dog toys, Ax art, and books on my desk.

“Yes, metaphorical.  Like if I stole my sister’s ferret I should give it back or offer to get her a new one.  Or ... if there’s some person I’ve got unfinished business with or owe money to or generally did wrong I should make it right.”

“Got it.  Return ferrets.”

“So not like, laundry and dishes,” I said, setting my boundaries way out there.  “I mean some people might take it literally I suppose but I don’t,” I said.

And he totally bought it, I’m pretty sure, and then he went on about his business.  

And I almost bought it myself that’s how convincing I can be.  But truth is, the mess, the literal mess, is probably not helping me feel that spacious peaceful  feeling I long for.  And I could be better at keeping house than I am.  It’s not either/or.  Like, I have time to meditate AND de-clutter my desk.  I just haven’t been doing the latter but rather being kind of lethargic about it and not liking it but not doing anything about it either.  Moving the stacks instead of addressing them.

And hey, I’m not beating myself up about it.  I’m just being honest, cleaning house as it were, with myself: There is a level of physical, actual,  disorganization and chaos that comes from three not naturally neat people plus one not naturally neat puppy spending all day, every day, together in one house, doing all their stuff, together, in one house, for a year.

So I’m noticing that.  And there is a space, a small space, that is all mine, that I can keep orderly if I want to and choose to and do something about.  I need to - I get to - tend to this space bit by bit.  It’s a choice.  It’s good to have choices.  What’s blocking me from grace and ease, from usefulness and purpose, and what’s something small I can do to take care of that today?  I’m gonna keep going.  www.livingeveryminuteofit.com