I Believe in You

Somewhere I got the notion that the greater the reward the harder I must work for it.  And what I’ve learned is that the greatest reward comes when I actually let go and stop working so hard.  

When I lean into what I know is right for me to take care of myself and feel better.  A bath.  A nap.  A workout.  Or buckling down and just getting that thing done and moving on.  Like I need to advise myself in this world the way an ideal mother would her child.  A mother who held her child in unconditional love, just as she is, with all her talents and needs and dreams.  “You can do it.  I believe in you.  I love you.” 

Yes, there’s stuff to do.  But the stories I tell myself about how I’m doing it and why I’m doing it can really bum me out, stress me out, and make it all extremely not fun and sad feeling.  I don’t talk to myself like a good mother would talk to her child.  It gets more abusive than that.  Which makes walking through the day so much tougher than it has to be.

And I like to feel good and have fun and feel supported in life, even when I’m dealing with serious stuff, or  stuff I normally don’t like to do, maybe especially then, because when I’m feeling light and good I’m way more effective at handling everything life gives me, all of it.

“You can do it.  I believe in you.  I love you.”

There are these people I know who have kind of one note of happy-face.  I don’t know what’s up with them I can only speak for myself.

This time has made my emotions — well, let me rephrase — during this time my emotions have become relatively upsy-downsy extreme.  Mostly downsy, anxious-y.  Though yes I’ve had my moments of gratitude that my family is together, that our cat seems to have an endless capacity for lap-sitting, that we are fed.

But the other end, the unpleasant end, it seems like that end requires more management than I’ve been giving it if I want to really be enjoying this time rather than just gritting my teeth and getting through it.

So that’s part of my work.  I get to do that.  And so I need to take care of myself as if I were my own precious child.  A little bit of push in the right direction, a lot of love on the way there. I’m gonna keep going.

www.livingeveryminuteofit.com