If You’re Anxious and You Know it Clap Your Hands …

I haven’t written because what’s going on is so appalling it feels like anything from my privileged POV is almost inherently disrespectful.  And, I have stuff to say and it’s from my “keeping the home fire burning” perspective, which is what it is.  

So if you haven’t watched Mike’s Stress Management in the Time of Corona webinar, watch it.  It’s on YouTube.  There’s a bunch of EMS, yay Mike yada yada, then some science science science, if you like that kind of thing, and then at minute 25 there’s a slew of super-useful actual tips and tricks that work.  So if you don’t need or want all the build up for why give it a whirl and just wanna get on it, start there.

I’ve used most of them (all of them?) and it’s awesome to have them in the arsenal, whether you’re a hothouse flower like me, or just someone who prefers to feel centered, effective, and at peace regardless of what life’s serving up, or if you’re an emotional/ psychological warrior committed to keeping in top form during this time of unparalleled challenge.  

And maybe we can all fit into all of these categories depending on the day or the moment.  Today though the people and things I rely on to lift me up when I’m down are not available in the same way.  And the stressors are bigger and feel more high-stakes, more urgent.

So.  Self-care routines not available the same way, caring for others opportunities abounding.

And so, the first couple of weeks what I did was throw myself into taking care of others, doing the minimum for myself.

And what happened was - surprise - I got sad, teary, then angry, then exhausted.  I did a lot of good during that time — I became a one-woman help desk for non-techies trying online meetings for the first time.  I got on the horn and told people to stay home who weren’t staying home.  I explained the virus’ fatty coating and why soap matters to folks.  I brought groceries to my mom.  I did a bunch of stuff that I could do.  And that’s great.

But then I got weepy and bitchy.  I saw the edge of the black hole that’s so hard to come out of once I go down it.  I forgot job #1: Take Care of Myself, so that I can (sustainably) Take Care of Others.

I looked at the hole and I thought, “Not today.”  The stakes are too high.  The world needs each one of us, as we are, “weaknesses” and all, to be doing our best — not better than our best, today, just like every day.

So it is a time to rise.  To prioritize, and to get really honest about what I need to keep going at my best, my most powerful, centered self, not at my just slogging along, holding on by my fingernails, holding my breath as the gravity takes me down, and my capacity for being of service to others goes down.  

So I got on it, on the self-care tip.  The deep breathing, the labeling emotions, the imagining my future self looking back on how I behaved through this, the stuff Mike talks about, plus the even more basic stuff — food, sleep, stretching, hygiene.

It’s doable.  Even now.  But it takes some conscious effort, some planning, some communication with my peeps.  Like when can I use the living room for yoga or when is it Lego time? And communication with that more potent part of myself that wants the best for me, that knows I am a child of the universe as much as anyone else is and I deserve to feel good. Even now. I’m gonna keep going.

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