Bye Stinky, Hi Cozy

We have this fluffy white blanket that I’m not sure where it came from but it’s become my cozy lap cover for most of my video meetings and morning coffee time.  Cleo the cat seems attracted to it, which is a plus.  

She snuggles into my lap while I do my worldly business, reminding me that one option is to feel that warm fuzzy cozy comfort all the time, no matter what.

Or, more accurately, to return to that warm fuzzy cozy comfort all the time, no matter what.

I was thinking about moments when I felt particularly at peace or, perhaps happy even, connected, like good in my skin and pleased with the world.  Maybe like how I imagine Cleo feels when she’s curled up in my lap, cozy and safe.

Here are some of my go-to moments, any one of which I might use as a reminder that I’ve been to that good-feeling state before, so I know I can get there again, no matter what.  

The more often I go there, that I’m okay place, the easier it seems to find.  And I can be there, content, mentally self-soothing, kind of in the background, or touching base on the regular, while I do my day and do what must be done.  

When I make an effort to take proper care of the food, sleep, movement, people, inputs stuff, it’s much easier.  And remember to check into that internal comfort place throughout the day.  Little by little, bit by bit, it works.

Some memories that activate joy spots in my brain:

Standing at that overlook where the sunset made the sea yellow and red and purple

Driving on the freeway at night in my first car listening to Depeche Mode Black Celebration 

Sitting in the puffy recliner rocking my baby as he snoozed

Imagining myself as a baby being rocked and soothed and cuddled warm and loving

Hearing that boss tell me “Good job, Tiger,” back in the day

Bathing in that cliffside hot tub watching pelicans dive for fish

Standing on the top of that mountain I climbed

Feeling the release of getting into bed after a long day and exhaling all of it, everything heavy

Feeling cold ocean ripples bury my feet in sand as I stood ankle-deep in water

Breaking out of that sand and rinsing it away, clean ....

I’ll frequent one joy spot for a while, then another.  The point is I don’t hang out in crappy places in my mind anymore.  I go there of course, but like a bad-smelling restaurant or party where I walk in and immediately know, uh uh, this is not where I want to be, I turn around, wave buh bye, and leave, go somewhere better.  Not like, deny a sad, mad, angry, ashamed feeling but notice it, identify the thoughts behind the feelings, and go somewhere else.  Ya, bye. Bye stinky spot, hi cozy spot.

Get outside for 2 minutes, even if it’s only in my head.  There’s just no good that can come of lingering in stinky restaurants or stinky thoughts, for me. 

I’m gonna keep going.