Love, Fear, Dishes

Well wow, huh? A whole new level of appreciation for the postal carriers, the food delivery and distribution people, the farmers, the pharmacists, the creators of all scripted and unscripted television shows and films, teachers, truck drivers, and of course, the frontline healthcare workers and those most impacted by their sacrifice, their families, their friends, their communities.  

And also the people who support all those and other systems that make my life possible every day during this time of physical isolating.  Man there’s a lot I’ve taken for granted and  am so grateful for.  Electricity.  Food.  Water.  Gas.  Family.  Health.  Diversion.  Comfort.

So that’s all the love part.  And then there’s the fear part.  I’m not in panic mode. I’m deeply troubled by how to deal with the people in my life who still don’t get it.  Who invite me to take “socially distant” walks with them, or speak of going to the supermarket to pick up a few things but they’re being “safe” about it so it’s okay. 

It’s not okay.  We have to inconvenience ourselves or we will become another Italy, where, my friend Katrina says, “They are running out of coffins.”  

My friend Luana told me, “All unsolicited advice is received as criticism.”  I don’t want to criticize people I love.  I just want them to stay home.  Or when they go outside, go in nature, go with their isolation pack members only.  When they shop, if they must shop, get stuff for two weeks.  Or get delivery.  And sanitize the packaging.  Take this virus seriously.

I want, a month, six months, a year from now, for my community, my State, my Country, the world, everywhere that still has a chance, to have been so compliant with the spirit of the stay at home orders, with the protocols needed to stop this thing, that we do stop it, that we do recover quickly, that we get through it and keep going with as few dead as possible.  I don’t want to get this thing, and I don’t want you to either.  

Even if I might not die from it, the suffering sounds awful.  Folks say it feels like breathing broken glass, like being unable to breathe.

So.  I have a daily video-meeting.  Ax has a daily video-play date.  Mike is on video All. Day. Long.  I make food, I clean dishes, I do laundry, I exercise at home or in our yard, or at night when fewer people are out. I

make phone calls and phone dates and I meditate and I pray.  And I stay home and I try to influence those who can stay home to stay home.  Because I believe that’s the right thing to do and I’m sorry if it feels like criticism.  It’s love.

And I feel lucky that I get to do all that.  Walk the walk.  And when I falter, when I just really want to go get that thing, bring Ax to see our friends’ new puppy — out in their yard!  Social distancing style! — my husband, who understands the statistics, who sees the big picture, says no.  Stay home.  

Is it worth dying for?

Well when you put it that way, not so much.  I’m gonna keep going.

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