Glitch, Re-Assess, Flow, Repeat

So this morning I’m doing my 5am coffee, daily readings, and quiet sitting routine, or rather attempting to, while puppy Brownie stares and whimpers at me from her plush pen 2 feet away.  

I’m ignoring the incredibly cute displeased puppy standing pushing against the pen per the trainer’s instructions but I know she can feel me feeling her and my mind is not in quiet contemplation but is rather thinking, “Does she need to poop? Does she need to peep? Should I let her out just in case? Do I stand firm and ignore?”

And so I let her out of the pen and open the door to outside and she exits, but instead of running to potty she sits just outside the door, in the position of wanting to come back in, looking at me.  Hmmm.

“Ok” I say in that chirpy way I’ve learned.  She comes back inside and goes back into her playpen, lies on a cushion, and settles.

I have no idea what just happened, but now at least she is quiet and somewhat relaxed while staring at me.  “Good quiet” I say, and give her a treat. 

I go back to my chair.  I’m still looking at her, looking at me, not having my commune with the Universe like I think it should be or how it used to be before Brownie.

And I’m thinking, “Crap I really really need to do my morning routine!!! I’m tired, it’s already 6:12am, and I’ve failed quiet sitting!  Plus I haven’t done my 2 minute abs but I haven’t done those in like, six months so whatever. Ugh.”

I look at Brownie.  She’s quiet, lying there, staring at me hopefully.  I let her out of the pen, sit on my chair, and she jumps onto my lap and snuggles in.  

I love her.  It’s okay.  It’s not the same as how my solo morning routine used to be, but I can appreciate this rather than trying to make this puppy and myself work, in some contorted unnatural way, to enable the old solo morning routine to continue.

I can see it all as a glitch to be fixed or I can let a new routine emerge that includes the puppy.  That doesn’t have us all at odds and struggling to be good.  We are good.  I get to enjoy a lap pup or keep struggling against having a lap pup.  I’m gonna keep going.

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