Breath Cure Holiday Gift/No Action Required

My brain this morning was like, “Tea party, make cookies, get birthday present, craft something, books only buying books this year, what if I? What if I? Maybe cloth napkins.  Second-hand cloth napkins.  Mike says I’ll be voted off the island.  I’ll be voted off the island.  Just Stay Home.  Just be.  Be, be, be, be, be, be, be.  Be.  What if we move the big white sofa and get two new white club chairs?  A photo album.  Yes a photo album.  Have to move the desktop to the living room.  Where to put it? Where to put it?  Not there.  No.  Why not leave it in the office?  Cookies?  Or maybe finger sandwiches?  Maybe today I will have an egg!!! How much inflammation would one poached egg really cause?  Organic.  I could bribe Ax to go out to breakfast with bacon and orange juice.  He’ll want to stay in.  Maybe I should try that sitting quietly for thirty minutes thing.  Thirty minutes?  The TM people say twenty minutes.  My meeting people do thirteen.  Maybe just three.  

Then again it’s early Ax is sleeping maybe just set the alarm get those good pillows ok, ok, yes.  Got it alarm set and ....”

And ya, eyes closed, comfy pillows galore resting every tired limb, alarm set, breathing breathing breathing focusing on breath my mind racing, so prolific, for seventeen more minutes.  I know because that’s when I checked the timer the first time.  

And then more breathing, but noticing now when I was thinking about whether or not I could never ever ever buy plastic again or never ever ever buy new non-sustainable clothing again and whether the desktop computer should stay in the office where it’s cold or come into the living room where it’s warm and oh yeah gratitude for warm living room gratitude gratitude gratitude.  Yes grateful grateful that article said be grateful so grateful.  Yes.

So I noticed all that exhausting thinking and finally, minute 22 (I checked), got down to focusing on the breath.  My breath.  In, out, in, out.  In two three, out two three.  In two three, out two three.  Again.  In.  Out.  

All the way out.  Easy now.  And then I noticed dark grey with shiny dancing dots and soft yellow swirls and the things I see when my eyes are closed.  But I did not latch onto them.  I did not latch onto them without thinking about not latching onto them.  

Just relaxed, breathing, watching dark designs on the move and thoughts on the move.  And then fewer thoughts, then really much much fewer, just womblike comfort.  

Here I am.  Safe.  Protected.  A human having a human experience in this body with this brain at this time.  Breathing.  No action required. 

Thank effing gd.  No action required.  It’s raining.  It’s Sunday.  Ax is sleeping.  I have coffee and a book and the bills are all paid.  I could do anything.  

I could do nothing.  I’m gonna keep going.  

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