Holiday Cheer

I’ve heard that the holidays are a rough time for lots of people, but I never really counted myself among them.  I thought of the homeless, the family-less, the people whose loved ones had passed away.  The people who had happier memories than presents.  Sick people.  People caring for sick people while chirpy music plays.

I feel for all those people.  And, here’s the thing: I’m feeling the holiday energy this year too, and not in an entirely positive way.  There’s a weird kind of sadness and loneliness I want to push down and cover up, possibly with evergreen garlands and dreidels and red poinsettias and festive festive parties or red outfits.  Possibly with non-vegan sugar cookies shaped like snowmen.

But I know all that stuff is not the solution for me.  For me the solution is leaning into my normal.  My morning quiet time.  My Tuesday/Thursday/Sunday yoga.  My daily friend check-ins.  My volunteer commitments.  My breathing in the face of sadness, my own and other people’s.  My brain exercises and my spirit exercises, my nutrition and exercise.  

Knowing that sadness is not like a skid mark in the toilet that needs to be cleaned up ASAP before someone sees it and recoils in revulsion from the sight and the stink.  Knowing that sadness is a normal human emotion, it comes and it goes.  

It goes faster when I let it run its course, get down maybe to the why of it, and maybe not.  Maybe just saying, “Oh there’s that feeling,” and then don’t do much with it but let it be.  It’s self-cleaning this heart of mine.  If I don’t junk it up with lots of thoughts and strategies.  It wants to be at peace.  It returns to that state if I let it.  

And it’s okay to be happy, to be at peace, even with everything that’s afoot.  It’s okay to eat that cookie just because cookies are tasty and maybe bring back memories of happier times or make this time a happier time for right now.  I’m gonna keep going.

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