But Who’s Counting? Mike -17, Sascha +2

So Mike has lost 17.5lbs and I’ve gained 2lbs since we started this vegan thing.  That said, I feel much better than I did before, better sleep, better mood, better energy, and of course better about being more part of the solution planet-wise.  

I think maybe if I stop pounding the cashew yogurt and perhaps snack on more actual vegetables rather than peanut butter coconut smoothies I can nip the weight gain uptick before it becomes another effing thing.  

Thank gd I only wear leggings because I could gain or lose about fifteen lbs before my clothes start feeling weird in either direction.  Maybe twenty.  Not healthy not healthy not healthy I know but so dang true. And I’d prefer not to gain or lose twenty pounds of course but these things can happen, especially in my fear-habituated mind.

So anyway weight gain was the biggest concern for me with going vegan.  I mean even though there’s all this research about how I’ll live longer and be healthier and my own experience of feeling better like less of a peri-menopausal freak and more of a kind of fun, bouncy babe, if this vegan diet makes me fat part of me would rather live thin a few years less.  That part of me is not really my friend but is loud.

For decades I have been low carb, low sugar, low fat, low processed everything (except for “slips” into bags of tortilla corn chips and white flour burritos filled with lard-infused everything balanced with a juice cleanse the next day).  Why was I eating like that? To be not fat.  Period.

Not for health, though that’s what people called my diet, “You eat so healthy!” Or, “You eat so clean!” is another thing people sometimes say to me when they see me order hold-the-everything-remotely-tasty when I’m out and about.

But really, and this is a totally dirty little secret that maybe isn’t such a secret:  I don’t want to be fat.  I spend a LOT of time and energy thinking about exercise and diet to just not be fat.  And by fat, I mean anything bigger than thin.  

It’s so embarrassing.  But we know each other now, right?  So I’m confessing.  Day 13 vegan and I’m terrified of gaining weight, and I want to keep going because it feels good to eat fat and carbs and veggies and whole foods!

So in a weird way going vegan is liberating me to eat more and enjoy my food way more than before. Which is a surprise. It’s an experiment. I’m making adjustments snack by snack.  I’m gonna keep going.

www.livingeveryminuteofit.com