Sick in Bed Day 3: Grateful

Thank goodness Mike is home. I would have been okay without him, but it’s so much better with him. I’m sick. Again. And I’m doing everything I’m supposed to do to get better but I’m not getting as better as I’d like to be getting as fast as I’d like to be getting there. So there’s that. Again.

For example I’m missing Yoga Teacher Training Week 4 — twists and core and interpersonal meditation and a lecture about the lives of the Saints. Apparently there will be some video-catch up opportunities and whatnot so that’s good. But I’m sad to be missing out, missing my new tribe.

It’s the right thing to do, to stay home. Stay down. Keep away from others, don’t spread this whatever it is snotfest, achy bodyfest.

So I’m making up bad stories today, because the good thing is I am feeling better than I was yesterday. The less good thing is that means I have enough energy to question my right to continue in bed, question why I feel this way, question what I could be doing or could have been doing more, different, or better to not be sick again.

It’s exhausting, battling these bad stories. Stories of sloth, stories of shirking, stories of self-blame like how could I be sick again what did I do wrong ....?

It’s my chi, my diet, my unresolved past lives, something sinister lurking in our heating vents, our drinking water. Only thing is, Ax is not sick. He hasn’t been sick once, really. And Mike is not sick. It’s just me.

So I guess it just is what it is and I could choose to be grateful. Grateful to be in bed, grateful to have this abundance of elderberry syrup, wellness formula tincture, garlic extract, and zinc lozenges at my disposal. Grateful to have the support of my husband and my family, my mom’s homemade chicken soup, a humidifier, and a bevy of Yoga books to read.

I’m gonna let the bad thoughts keep going, keep going right out of my consciousness. Float past like clouds. Bye bye. Watch them go as I relax into the fluffy reality that I am, essentially, healthy. That this cold shall too pass. That there’s nowhere else better for me to be and nothing else better for me to be doing right now. That it all is, it just is, I just am.

I’m gonna keep going.