New Normal is Coming

I guess 4am is my new normal wake-up time, which is okay. What that means though is that my new normal done-with-interacting-or-I’m-gonna-be-grouchy time is earlier too. And I’ve not adjusted for that. I’ve been grouchy/testy just before bedtime three evenings in a row now and it really stinks. For everyone, for me too. It’s like, “Grrr, almost made it through the day without snapping,” and then — “Eeep. Crap. Snap. Phooey. Didn’t mean to do that. Sigh.”

I’ve been told to take a HALT inventory when I’m getting edgy. Hungry? Angry? Lonely? Tired? And then I know there’s another one for me right now which is Sad. HALTS.

I’m not angry. And I’m not lonely. I’m hungry, I think, some of the time, but it’s confusing because my old normal food routine is off.

Like this weekend I did the late breakfast then not really hungry at lunch time then don’t want to eat at 3 or 4 because dinner is soon and probably shouldn’t have not eaten before that slightly-too-big later breakfast ... so then ya, by 5ish I’m too hungry, having over-eaten a little at 10am, but skipped the old normal 7am feeding. Why? Why? All I know is I’m not alone. A lot of the displaced are talking about this kind of stuff. Untethered non-normal stuff.

And then tired. How could I be so tired? I am waking up early, but technically getting enough sleep at night. I think. I’m tired it seems like more than I should be. But there’s that should. Who says I shouldn’t be as tired as I am? I guess Evie, my enthusiastic inner critic, evac’d with me.

At the 4pm public briefing yesterday the sheriff actually said one of the indicators for the new normal would be when people are back in their homes and sleeping regularly. So ok, I legitimately am not there yet and apparently that’s normal for this phase of things. It’s okay. I’ll get there. We’ll get there.

New normal is coming. I’m not there yet but I can feel it coming. I’m gonna keep going.

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