Restart

            My day got kinda screwed up today because it started with reading a journal entry from when I was suicidal a couple of years ago.  Plus I didn’t have my usual piece of seed and nut bread with butter and jam because I was trying to experiment with eating less.  So then later in the morning I had eggs n cheese, which normally I wouldn’t do.

            Ok, so those are the reasons it’s jangly.  And now I can either spin out for the rest of the day or make a decision that I’d like to have a nice day and what are the things I need to do to come back mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually?

            Mentally, I’m doing it right now.  I knew writing would help, I didn’t know what I would write and I had a lot of thoughts in my head that were not what I’m writing right now.  And, I did not wait to know what was going to happen but just got my butt in the chair, which for me is I know the key first step to writing and the most difficult part of it. 

            So ok, I got my butt in the chair and stuff is coming out and that’s good.  Emotionally, ah hah, I just realized something, right this second.  I am sad.  That buzzy, elevated, gotta run around feeling is actually not the real real feeling.  The real real feeling is sad.  The thing I read this morning made me a little sad.  Plus it’s overcast and colder than usual.  I’m gonna breathe in and out for a bit and let myself feel what it feels like to be sad for the old me and for what I’ve been through and for the challenges of just being a human being. 

            OK, I’m done with that for now, like after four breathe in and breathe outs.  What came up was great relief that I don’t feel like that now.  Also gratitude for my warm lovely home and my toasty fleece and sweet hubby who’s waiting for me to get myself back to level zero so we can go on our regular Saturday date day.

            Physically, well, I’m discombobulated from the irregular eating and I could probably stop sipping coffee if I want to get more grounded.  I know I want to take a walk or get some moving in so that will be next.  Actually, maybe I won’t wait for when we have time to take an hour long walk.  Maybe I’ll get up right now and just stretch my arms up over my head and bend down a couple of times and see if that moves anything in a good way.  Stand by.

            Ok!  Six shoulder rolls, four hip rolls, and some floppy twisting around, all standing up, and I definitely feel a bit less foggy.  Sweet!

            Now the spiritual part.  Here it is:  Universe please reveal what needs to be revealed and heal what needs to be healed.  Please help me show me the way of patience, tolerance, kindness, and love to myself, to others, and to the world.

            A couple more really deep breaths, and it’s on, again.  Restart.  Let’s do this day.