OMG What was I Thinking?

I just realized that I’ve basically been doing self-therapy in public for the past nine years. OMG, what was I thinking?

I guess I thought maybe my stuff would resonate with you and then we wouldn’t be doing this life thing alone. Plus, wanting to get over my perfectionism/not-good-enough-itis by going public with writing in need of a firm edit.

Messy writing in public is like having friends over even though the dishes are dirty and the living room is full of cat toys, LEGO, and notebooks. It’s made me feel oddly safer than hiding, waiting to be better before I let you in.

And then when a few people say they appreciated the invitation, enjoyed the food or whatever, and no one says, “Gee I really wish you’d cleaned up more before having me over,” it emboldens me to do it again.

Some time ago I realized that writing was helping me with life-ing. Seeing the world through writer eyes is much better for me. That shift in perspective makes a difference to how attached I get to the minutia. Gives a little space between me and the emotional content of existence. Which is pleasant, that buffer.

Once again I got semi-derailed planning and plotting to do more, better, or different. Something big and grand. And maybe I will. Today doable, ease-y, and consistent is the best way to progress for me. And this works. I’m gonna keep going.

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