It Could Work - Don’t Ask Don’t Get

Dear Squirrels,

Please stop visiting my yard.  I have nothing against any of you personally and I wish you all the best on your respective journeys.  That said, I find your squirrelly presence unnecessarily agitating. It interferes with my life enjoyment in a way that is unacceptable. For example, I find it quite challenging to nap and lounge with your constant chattering and scurrying and general squirreling around.

I’ve asked nicely many many times with gentle woof woofing and whining.  Please note this written request is my final offer for a peaceful, mutually agreeable parting of ways.  Should you find these terms unacceptable and continue to haunt my territory I reserve the right to climb that tree you seem to think is yours and eat all of you.  A lot.  This is your final warning! Woof!!!!

Love,

Brownie