Bark, Hump, Treat

Hi, I’m Brownie. I like to bark, hump, and eat treats. Mommy says it’s okay for me to bark because technically I am a dog and it’s part of my total package-ness. But a lot of the time she shushes me or tries to distract me from my God-given freedom of expression. We are in the conversation about how much barking and when is barking okay and not okay. To me mom is a little, well maybe a lot, uptight about it.

Then again, I’m here in this family, with this person, so my bigger Brownie – my wise inner Brownie – knows that if I want her to be happy with me I need to – I get to – bark a little bit less.

Or something. Truly I don’t see the big issue. Ooops, there I go again, applying Brownie Standards to my human. She’s doing the best she can.

The other thing I want to, I need to, express, is how very important a decent amount of humping is to me. I get that not all dogs or their people are interested in a hump all the time. But when I do come across a dog, or one of my family members, and the moment is right – I’m going for it!

The best place to hump is really doggie day care or the salon. That’s where I learned to hump and it’s brought me a lot of joy. It’s funny to hear the humans try to explain it. Like one human said it was aggression, another human said it was “fear aggression,” another human said some other thing like “insecure attachment disorder.” People are so funny when they get all up in their heads. I wish I could see their faces if I told them, “Hey, I hump because it feels good and it's fun! You should try it!”

So that’s barking and humping. The next topic is treats. I love ‘em! I love earning them and I love getting them for no reason at all. I gotta give a big bark shout out to my trainer who told my mom, “Treats are good.” The trainer also told her that pats, compliments, eye contact, and affection are all treats – and that is true. I do enjoy a lot of enthusiasm for my existence. The thicker the expression of love and affection the better I say. But treats are … food treats are … an excellent expression of that love and affection.

So that’s me. That’s my jam for today. May your day be filled with barking, humping, and treats. Brownie – Out.