Take the Win

I’ve been thinking about how I show up for this life as a sober, 50-year-old mom and wife, and as a passionate, fiery, creative soul at the same time.  Like, how does that actually work, day to day, in real time? 

How do I get to be this loving, stable, balanced, reliable person while still expressing, enjoying, feeding that higher vibrational self?  And, I’m aware, these are high-end  “problems” to ponder.  And I’m grateful AF that I have a roof, food, love, the kind of stuff that makes me able to get to unraveling these more internal conundrums.

One clue that comes over and over to me is that my job is not to struggle with the results or the outcome of what I do.  My job is to put one foot in front of the other one day at a time and show myself some patience, tolerance, kindness, and love so I have a chance at flowing that same vibe out to my family and community. 

It’s not a very rock‘n roll life from the outside.  It’s a much quieter life than I thought I wanted when I was younger.  Some days it’s a quieter life than I want now.  But it’s a life that’s doable, for me, as I am, where I’m able to meet my top priorities day after day, if not my more flamboyant desires. 

It’s a life where I seem to be able to not hit those miserable lows that I see so many people hitting these days.  And I weep for them, I really do, because I have been there, and now I’m not. I have my rough spots, but not those - you know what I’m talking about - those moments where it’s really flip-a-coin time of whether to stay or go.

What works for me is I put sobriety first every day.  I put serenity first.  Then family.  Then everything else.  Everything else includes my big ideas about how I’d prefer to be perceived or what that egoic part of me would prefer to be producing.  On rough days it feels like defeat, on saner days it feels like a big win.  Today I’m taking the win of this beautiful sober life. I’m gonna keep going.

www.livingeveryminuteofit.com

RIP Taylor Hawkins