Let Go or Be Dragged — Am I Okay?
In certain circles a popular phrase is “Let go or be dragged,” a related, but different version is “Let go and let G-d.” So, the first version, the dragged concept, implies things will get gnarly bad - worse - if I don’t release my literal or metaphorical grip on some issue.
The second one is more the spoonful of sugar/hope/faith idea that if I get out of the way — stop trying to control a situation, let G-d, the Universe, great Spirit, flow, whatever you want to call it, run the show, take the wheel, drive the bus — things will turn out exactly as they should, appropriately, even better than I could have imagined or accomplished on my own with my limited frame of reference.
A LOT of people, more people than I would have thought, purport to ascribe to this concept. Some say they live by it.
I’ve been skeptical: Like, what does that even look like? I mean, if I’m letting some force drive the bus, my bus, my life, a) how do I know I’m doing it right? And b) how do I deal with my anxiety in the face of not knowing what’s gonna happen and putting down my coping mechanism of choice — trying to control what’s gonna happen?
I’m told “letting go” is different from “giving up,” that if I decide to give living this way more of a whirl, I still get to use my “powers of influence” to get or improve certain results. And I still will have dirty dishes to clean and a mortgage to pay.
But I’d be out of the bulldozing business, out of the struggling and stressing and muscling through business. I’d be in the being okay with the reality as it is, however it emerges, business — even as I do whatever I’m doing to change things. That’s a sort of interesting piece of it — I get to keep working towards stuff, while at the same time being okay with how things are now.
And now I’m really writing in the murk and it’s somewhat uncomfortable. And I’m realizing that I’m also constantly living in the murk, the truth that I don’t know how this story plays out, and that’s uncomfortable too. So I kid myself that I know what’s happening, that I have made my plans for the future. I have a 401k, I have cobbled together some measure of safety.
Like today there will be breakfast, lunch, dinner, Ax homework, some exercise, this writing, some admin, and walking the dog. And this routine will give me some sense of stability and grounded-ness today for which I’m grateful.
But below that surface there’s the low hum of bigger worries - my friends are aging (will they be okay?), my son is becoming a teenager (will he be okay?), my husband is mortal (is he okay?), my dog is barking at strangers (is she okay?), I’m still not living the life I thought I would be living (am I okay?), and then, you know, the planet, the pandemic, the politics, global stuff, all that.
And so, I guess the answer, at least for me today, is that if I’m breathing I’m okay, and I even have a shot at being better. Stuff is unfolding, the vast, vast majority of which is not in my purview, maybe even less than I imagine, and I get to enjoy what there is to be enjoyed, work to change what I think deserves changing, take care of this body, my family, my community as much as I can, and that’s the gig. I’m gonna keep going.
www.livingeveryminuteofit.com
www.combatcovidstress.com
