The Dance of Life
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about moderation, what some call the third way, the middle way, the shades of gray between the black/white, all/nothing, dualistic thinking I can get into so often. I still get into that winner/loser mode, but I’ve gotten somewhat better at noticing when I’m in it.
And once I notice, it’s a little easier not to get stuck there. I get a lot of help with the noticing part from the universe which speaks to me mostly through my advisory board of friends, and also, more and more, through my physical body. Catch is I have to open up to both to get the help I need. I can feel when I’m tense, and when I’m tense there’s a reason, and a lot of the time there might be a physical reason.
Sometimes just asking myself, “What would it feel like in my head and torso if everything were okay exactly as it is?” kinda brings down the physical tension, which brings down the mental tension, which creates opening for new ideas that serve me better. What thoughts are causing me suffering today? What would it feel like if I had a different thought? Then I have choices and options. A bit of space.
So that’s one trick, plus breathing always the breathing, breathing. You could do it right now the deep breath thing. Do two if you’re game. Seriously. Like, now.
And then a related trick I’ve written about before is noticing the knowing-doing gap and trying to shrink that gap down. Like, having an inkling that something is bugging but not changing anything because my first thoughts about what could change are way too extreme. Like, I don’t like how noisy the house is — I need to move out! Instead of, I could wear earplugs, they could wear headsets, I could soundproof the door, etc. etc. So the noticing is something like: “Oh great I’m being very black/white about this and maybe I can find a bit more grace and ease if I get creative and find a third option, third options.”
And so then there’s the generating the options, then deciding which one seems most likely to be most doable or pleasant or successful. And then just giving it a whirl knowing that maybe it won’t be right but maybe it will and I can always change it up if it doesn’t work. But I could also prime myself for it to work - which is a whole other post. Priming.
My hubby Mike is actually teaching something called improvement science right now at UCSF. This is a thing — the science of taking research knowledge, scientific knowledge I guess, and implementing it so it can make an actual difference in actual people’s actual lives. Like off the page and into the world. He and his peeps talk a lot about data and precision but there’s also this practice or philosophy from that world called “small tests of change”.
I dig it because the investment is low and the learning is high. When I was in business we talked about doing quick and dirty experiments. This is sort of that, as far as I can tell from snippets of overhearing his zooms from the garage.
And so, I can give anything a whirl if it’s just for a bit, not forever style. Here on the backside of fifty it feels a little bit like a brain switch flicked on and the same message is coming from so many different sources — It would be interesting to see what might happen if I got even softer, more flexible, more gracious, with this life, what it’s offering, with this body, what it’s trying to tell me with all the sensations wanted and unwanted, with the people I know and don’t know around me being however they are being.
I wonder if I can let go of whatever old constructs, unhelpful constructs, are blocking me from fully appreciating, fully participating, in this part of the dance of my life? Can I make better friends with that little bit of longing, that incompleteness, the not-good-enough-itis that was for so long my master but clearly is now just messing with the powerful peace I know I can access and am interested in accessing more of the time, more consistently, regardless of externals? I’m saying heck ya I can. I get to at least give it a whirl.
What new ideas, thoughts, activities, ways of being might serve me better to help me offer whatever I have to offer on this ride, and receive whatever I get to receive, and then appreciate that. All of that. Offer, receive, appreciate, repeat. When I’m in that groove the rest of it, the tasks and travails of daily living, the noise pollution from the garage — I mean the sweet song of my beloved making the world a better place one client, one student, at a time — gets much lighter. I get lighter, and it feels better. I’m gonna keep going.
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