No Biggie/Feed the Grateful Part

It turns out I don’t have to sell everything and move to Bali after all.  Which is a relief.  A couple of more challenging yoga classes,  a vegan-rebellion dinner from our favorite local restaurant, and a morning chat with my girlfriend  Maya sated that hot burning seeker pent-upped-ness, lonely,  imprisoned, let’s-burn-it-all-down-and-dance-in-the-ashes  feeling enough to default back to gratitude and acceptance,  snack-making, and healthy choices. 

I called Glinda the other day when I was boiling up.  “Waaah,” I said. 

“Oh honey I’m sorry,” she said. “Just enjoy your day as it is.  This time is so short.” 

“Yes!” I said, “That’s genius.  Yes - enjoy! Short! That’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

And I hung up the phone, determined. And her words got me through the day as I chanted inside, “Enjoy the day as it is, enjoy the day as it is, enjoy my day as it is.”

And that instruction, the directive, from a trusted source, helped.  I got through the day without blowing up anything or saying anything heinously regrettable to anyone.  I housewifed and mothered like a champ.

But then it was the next day and I woke up dissatisfied, hungry, starving, for something.  Itchy, itchy, itchy.  And confined in this life I’ve created, worked for, and that is, objectively, pretty dang sweet.

So I called Glinda again.  

I said, “Part of me wants to run up a mountain and scream and never come down and part of me is so grateful.”

She said, “Feed the grateful part.”

And so that’s my marching order for today.  Feed the grateful part.  Starve the story that this isn’t okay, that I’m not okay, and enjoy what there is to be enjoyed.  Maybe a hike.  More yoga.  More meditation.  More service.

I’ve been here before, this dissatisfied, restless, irritable, and discontent place, and I’ve tried a few different things to not feel that way that haven’t worked.  That have taken me away from the love, not closer to it.

So for me the growing edge, the place of progress, is maybe befriending that part, the dissatisfied seeker part, saying, oh yeah there that is again, and staying still enough to hear what it’s trying to tell me, if anything.  Or just, “Oh yeah, that feeling, huh. Okay.  No biggie.”  It’s not a panic button, it’s a feeling.  It will pass.  What I do in the meantime is a choice.  I’m gonna keep going. 

www.livingeveryminuteofit.com