More Glittery Pom Poms & McCaw Stuffies Indicated
It got dark at the Liebowitz-Taigman household last week, with my physical pain and mental pain all kind of crescendo-ing together into a big ball of sadness, which felt like frustration, and manifested in a surprising but also not-so-surprising case of the F-ck Its.
I put a plastic bin of lettuce away without sanitizing it first. “Let’s not do that again,” said Mike. And I knew he was right, though my inner rebel was pissed.
The boys seemed to just keep truckin’ on but I was stir-crazy and discontent, looking for more excitement or more something, anything.
As longtime readers will know, I have invested a decent amount of time and energy into learning how to separate my thoughts, feelings, and actions so that my decisions are generally more aligned with who I want to be and how I want to live. The result, so far, has been a much happier, more fulfilling, and more useful life. Plus my family is happier.
BUT sometimes, sometimes the emotions are so strong, the external crap seems so big, and the thoughts run so wild, that even with all this consciousness and whatnot I’ve cultivated I really just wanna sell the house, move to Tahiti, burn it all down, and run.
And, playing that tape all the way through, of course that’s not really what I want. I just want to feel better, right now. Now, now, now. Feel free-er, right now.
And so I said, “Mike, I am going to get a take-out soy latte!” Which was a big leap of risk from what we’ve been doing.
And, seeing my desperation, he said, “Great. Great idea, go get a soy latte. Just be safe.”
And so with that blessing I put my spray bottle of hand sanitizer in my waist pack, masked up, and drove off to our local.
I sat in the car and looked at the line of people outside, some masked, most not, waiting for their coffees. I did not want a latte. I wanted COVID-19 to be over. I wanted to sit and chat with my ladies without fear.
I drove away and found nature. But it didn’t help. And the day went on and I did what I needed to do care and feeding of myself and the kid-wise but that feeling of pent up misery stayed. And I found myself tearing up while watching Ax watch Cat in the Hat. Ax noticed. He looked at me. I paused his show.
I said, “I’m okay I’m just not doing everything I know how to do to feel good these days.”
“Oh,” he said.
“You know how I used to have my quiet sitting time every morning?”
“Ya.”
“Well lately I’ve been trying to do it but the truth is I haven’t been doing it the way I know it works. I’ve been on my phone and texting and doing all kinds of stuff that isn’t actually getting me what I know I need.”
“Oh,” he said, curious.
“Do you have any ideas about what could help?”
“Yes! I have just the thing,” he said. And he jumped up, ran down the hall, and returned with a sparkly blue Pom Pom and stuffed animal McCaw which he thrust at me with joy. “These will definitely help, if you use them,” he said, with some bravado.
“Thank you,” I said, and we hugged, and un-paused the show. I’m gonna keep going.
www.combatcovidstress.com
www.livingeveryminuteofit.com
