Snippy When Tired

Ugh I got so snippy last night when it was time for bed I can’t even tell you what I snipped about it was so lame and unreasonable.  And the being up late even though I was tired and I knew I was tired was totally my doing.  

I was trying to be cool and fun and not someone who puts sleep ahead of being cool and fun.  And I wound up being snippy.  Which is so uncool and un-fun.  

And I wound up making my honey have that sad, deer-in-headlights look.  I hate that look so much, the look of “I can tell my wife is upset and I have no idea why or how to get out of it” look.  2020.

2020 I’m in full learning mode.  Here’s what I learned from the snip:  I have to — I get to — go the eff to sleep when I’m tired if I want to behave like the person I want to behave like.  If that makes sense.

If I want to be this patient, tolerant, kind, and loving person, this person who walks the walk of that kind of thing, consistently, then I have to maintain the machinery according to manufacturers recommendations.

And it’s clear, so clear, when I scrimp on that maintenance.  The machine — me — my brain, my mood, my physical self, tell me I’ve scrimped or tried to get away with something because I snip, I hurt, I just don’t perform as well as a human being.  As this human being.

I would prefer to be a human equivalent of a Camry or Prius, go and go and go needing barely any care at all.  But I have learned, I have learned through trial and error, that I’m more like a vintage Jaguar, lovely, but quite particular, and sometimes best left in the garage.  2020.  I’m gonna keep going.

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