Toxic Hope

We just got back from a “magical family” weekend workshop at Esalen, the best place on earth, and I’m thinking, “I could live like that All The Time.”   What was so great? Well, of course a) it’s vacation so there’s no adulting stuff like paying bills or plunging toilets or cooking.  But b) there’s people all hanging out together chatting, soaking, dancing, and playing — the kids and adults sharing space playing together — just goofing around for no reason other than enjoying time together.  

Not trying to learn anything or to win or to get in shape  — though I came home sore from running around being chased by kiddie “sharks” and hiking magical canyons .... No tv all weekend and none of us missed it.

Now how do I keep that alive at home?  That’s always the question, the question seeded with toxic hope for good times to continue, which they may or may not.  For good times to continue exactly the way they were in that spot at that time, when we were that way, which is really unlikely.  Or impossible?  

Maybe the best way to feel content is to decide to feel content here, now.  Now baking chocolate chip muffins while blogging and a sink full of dishes and an evening school pot luck event to cook for and no clean clothes and and and.  Breathing.  It’s okay.  It’s not vacation.  It’s all pretty wonderful.

Maybe I don’t try to keep vacation vibe at home.  Maybe I just try to remember to get away a little more often, the three of us, even if only for a night.  And keep it simple.

As wonderful as our day to day is, it’s still our day to day.  The luxury of being away from home, out of routine, somewhere close to nature, somewhere without wifi, by choice, was so precious.  

And home is precious too.  Precious, though different.  I’m gonna keep going.  

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