Healing All the Way Good

My brain is full of snot. The nose too. Again. Or actually, still. I am very reticent to take antibiotics but I’m taking them. Again. My doctor said, “Remember when I told you if you didn’t feel completely better after the first round of antibiotics to call me and we’d do a second round?” That was her nice way of saying, “You dipshit why did you hang around with a owie sore throat and headaches for two weeks after the first round of antibiotics before calling me?”

And I said, “I don’t know. I felt so good, so much better for a couple of days before I got sick again I thought it was a new thing, not the old thing.”

She said, “It’s the same old thing. It’s been the same old thing this whole time. You beat it back, but not all the way, and then it resurfaces.”

Grrrrr. Ok, so treatment. Ok, so there it is. Take care of myself. Seek help. Don’t sit around suffering thinking it’s not that big a deal, that it will pass, that I don’t deserve to feel better and do everything in my power to get on that.

It’s hard not to blame myself. Like if I did better stress management or ate more fermented foods or had a purer state of Qi flow or, or, or, then I wouldn’t be sick AGAIN, or still.

It’s so weird, how can I manage to even feel guilty about having a cold or whatever this is? ... flu aftershock, sinusitis, bronchitis ... something like that.

There were those two days feeling healthy in the last few months. It was the best feeling ever — clear head, clear eyes, clear chest, energy.

Amazing. Feeling healthy is so amazing. And medicine is amazing too. I’m gonna take some ibuprofen and other stuff and do my day. I’m gonna keep going.