The Precious Pause

I lost my temper yesterday and it felt awful. It’s been a while since that happened, which is nice, but it did happen yesterday, so I have to look at that. And of course I lost my temper with the person closest to me who least deserved it, my beloved husband. I apologized, he got over it, and today will be another day. We will do family things and have date night and keep going. But it’s a sign, a sign of depletion. We didn’t do the rest thing yesterday I planned to do, that I knew we kind of needed to do. We hosted – not forty people as was my impulse, but a solid bunch of folks. And it was awesome, and fun, and good, but not restful.

And I got tweaked out about the sofa cushions needing to be a certain way before people came over. And then after people came over Ax and his buddies proceeded to make a fort out of all the sofa cushions and all the bedding from our room and a dozen or more stuffed animals, and all of our beanbag chairs.

His friends’ parents were like, “Uh, is that okay?” And I got to be all lady of playhouse manor, “Of course!” And Mike, regarding his son giggling and running and building with his friends, “Look at how happy they are!” And then more people came and we continued to play and chat and commune.

Yes. That is how I like to spend my days, with friends, hanging in our nest. And it would have been so perfect had I not gotten snippy. If I’d just had eggs in the morning instead of motoring through to 12:30 on only coffee. If I’d breathed when I walked in rather than letting myself get hijacked.

If I’d gone for that precious pause rather than the trigger. It’s unfortunate that I exhibited my imperfection once again. I made a bad choice, I didn’t pause to make a choice. I can get better, I can do better. Yesterday was yesterday. Today is today. Moving on. I’m gonna keep going.