Now is Now

Now is now, okay. I mean that is so obvious but it’s really important for me to remember that. As in, now is my life, now, right now. Now. And it’s not like I’m gonna live forever so I might as well be kinda conscious about what I’m doing with this life, like, now. Not now-ish. Now. So now I am writing a blog post for tomorrow because it’s been two days now since the time change that I’ve been writing in the morning per usual while kinda having to/getting to pay attention to Ax whose waking up earlier and it’s okaaaaaaay, but it’s suboptimal. Suboptimal for him, suboptimal for me, and way suboptimal for you dear reader if you’re still with me. I mean, thank you if you read about him having Halloween candy for breakfast and still with me, even after that.

So I suppose I could have gone with it for a while, ridden out the time change thing, stuck with the early morning thing, but it Wasn’t Working. It wasn’t working and two days was long enough for this particular thing, this particular piece of my life to be not working, glitchy, to feel … less than wonderful.

So Eff That! I want it to all feel wonderful, I really do. And I know, I know, I know, Evie, I know it can’t all BE wonderful, but I can do what I can do. I can have the courage to change the things I can and writing in the afternoon, before pick up, is one of those things. Bam. Change. Now. It’s happening.

Here are some of the tidbits Evie has to offer me about making this change:

“By the afternoon your brain is not at its best level so there’s no point. In the afternoons there is variation in your schedule and so the times you will have available will change and that will make a routine impossible, so don’t bother. I’m pretty sure you have said everything you have to say and I’m quite bored with this ‘keep going’ theme so perhaps you should get a law job. Soon it will be Thanksgiving. I wonder what will be for dinner. Let’s menu plan and stop all this nonsense.”

Eff her. She is so busy, busy, busy, my little Evie. She is busy but yet again, she is not me, she is some weird unhelpful alter-ego inner critic voice thing my brain does when I’m getting perilously close to simply living in this beautiful world known as Reality.

My reality is that when something’s important to me I’m pretty effing good at making it happen, if I think about it. And when something isn’t that important to me I’m willing to go with chaos, confusion, squid ink, fog for a long, long, long time. I could probably clear some headspace up if I just admitted I don’t care about those things and let go of ever improving them.

For example, my filing system that almost every weekend I say I’m going to improve/create. Learning to bake muffins has not happened either. Keeping the house tidy, not so much. But this blog, for now, even in the face of daylight savings or waste-ings or whatever it is, even in the face of Evie’s misgivings, it’s gonna keep going. I’m gonna keep going too. Starting again, now.