Why Am I Here?
I was hanging out with some parents watching Ax’s buddies at soccer practice yesterday while Ax played on the playground nearby. One of his friends sauntered over to me and asked, “Why are you here?” Some of the adults seemed to think that phrasing was impolite. I thought the kid was legitimately curious. Why was I there when my own child was off somewhere else not playing soccer? Why was I there when I didn’t have to be there?
So I answered him. I said, “I’m here because it’s fun to watch you all play soccer and it’s fun to hang out with my friends over here while Ax is doing his own thing over there.”
He said, “Where’s Ax?” And I pointed to Ax, who I could see struggling to pull a wagon with two girls in it, while a third girl directed him. I said, “Ax is having a good time over there and I’m having a good time over here.”
The kid seemed satisfied that all was sufficiently proper and ran back to join his team on the field. I resumed chats with the adults about Halloween plans, remodeling projects, the kids’ creative moves on the field in front of us, a new vegan restaurant that’s opened in town, real estate stuff, and other easy chit chat that bonds new kindergarten parents who were strangers less than two months ago.
These are my people now. These are my new friends. Why am I here? To have a nice time, to contribute to the stew of humanity just as I am, to be among, to be in it, whatever it is, for this particular moment in my life. I’m here to say yes to this ride, this journey that’s on offer right here, right now.
Today I don’t need to ask myself too many questions about what I’m doing. I need to pay attention to what feels good and do more of that and pay attention to what doesn’t feel good and do less of that, while keeping the lights on. When the gig gets bigger than that I get a bit wonky and sad and less-than feeling and I know that’s not why I’m here, to feel crappy. I’m here to enjoy what there is to be enjoyed, and to be of service to my true self and to others. I’m gonna keep going.