Namas-kray

So in certain circles even chicks with hair extensions and dudes who wax their chests, or especially these types, say, “Namaste,” to each other instead of saying hi and bye. I’ve seen it. I’ve done it. Not the chest waxing or the hair extensions yet, but the saying Namaste as a salutation. Truth. I was taught Namaste means something like, “the light in me salutes the light in you.” Salutes, bows to, honors, sees … you know, my divine nature sees your divine nature. Hi there.

Mike was at some work conference teaching and learning things when one of his peeps asked him, “So whatever happened with your wife and that rose quartz Ganesh statue?” (See essay of March 17, 2017, “Everything is For Sale.” http://www.livingeveryminuteofit.com/2017/03/25/precious-or-everything-is-for-sale/) So of course Mike told me someone asked him that because he knows I’m totally jazzed that anyone is reading any of this stuff ever and that was evidence right there that someone read something sometime and even remembered some of it. So awesome.

So anyway, he got asked that question and I figured maybe I’d try to answer it. The bottom line is: Nothing has happened. The other truth is that a lot has shifted. There has been a lot of healing from simply exposing old wounds, regrets, and letting them be seen. Just hanging out with them, admitting them, and doing nothing. Not following that impulse to do, do, do.

Like five dumpsters worth of old crap about money and value and being of service and the true self and the false self and materialism and imperfection all got dumped out on the ground in a totally non-eco way and the seagulls and the rats and the wind have just been feasting on this massive pile of self-loathing while nothing really changes except that I’m not having to hold in five dumpsters of self-flagellation and confusion. That pile is dwindling without me doing anything but letting it all hang out.

So yes, that happened. Forgiveness has happened. Witnessing has happened. Acceptance has happened. I muscled my way into possession of this thing, and in my kind of default black/white thinking where all behaviors of my own and of others get categorized as “good” or “bad” that was bad. And the studio owner was “bad” for not letting me know what he wanted clearly enough for me to understand at the time. And then I was bad again for not understanding without his being clearer. And then everyone is bad, bad, bad. I needed to be seen and loved, he needed to be seen and loved, and instead we haggled over a statue.

And now, after all of it, no one was bad, no one was good, we just were who we are, how we were, in the same place, and it’s all divine. That’s the Namaste part. The light in me salutes the light in you and the totally messed up, needy part of me salutes the totally messed up, needy part of you, and myself, too. It’s all the same ball of humanity and we all suffer from the same disease/blessing.

We are all more than okay, we are wonderful, we are divine just as we are. And I need help feeling that way, feeling safe to show up as I really am: scared, hopeful, longing for love and connection, longing to be seen, longing to let the contents of  that dumpster just fly away and find comfort and kindness among other humans.  Namas-kray.