Cycles

            One of my favorite lines is, “this too shall pass.”  It’s fancier sounding than “keep going” and less Pollyanna than “it’s always darkest before the dawn” or “every cloud has a silver lining.” When I’m down I don’t want someone else telling me there’s a good side to it.  Eff that. 

            I’ll be ready for the good side when it comes.  At least, that’s been my thinking.  But something happened the other day and I noticed that I could put myself in a much happier, better feeling state, even though nothing had changed.  Like a mood switch.  I realized that I am already in the good side because I am alive, breathing in and out, right now.

            So since then I’ve been asking for help being willing to let things be as good as they can be.  Help opening up to all the good that exists here, now, rather than chasing good, or waiting for a better situation to arise, or beating myself to create a better situation that would justify my feeling ok.  Lose five pounds, get more income, change the sofas, fix the political situation everywhere, bake.  I’m alive now and that’s all the justification I need to feel good.  That’s a biggie for me.

            This too shall pass.  It’s neutral: good times will pass too.  Everything passes.  We pass.  Identities pass.  “The only constant is change.”   It’s shocking to what extent feeling good has not been my default historically, how not natural appreciation and enjoyment have been for me, for whatever reasons.  But now I am willing to let things be as good as they can be, as good as they are.  That old way of living has passed.