A Lovely Situation

            There’s a saying, “When one door closes another one opens,” which I interpret to mean don’t get too wrapped up in mourning for stuff that’s over because new things are coming. 

            Or maybe it’s more instructive, more pro-active than that.  Like if I want a new door to open it would be helpful to close another door, to let go of my current situation so that it can become my former situation and make way for something new.

            I don’t wanna let go.  I don’t want a new door.  The current door has to be nearly intolerable for me to want to give it up.  And even then I’ll question it, question whether or not I’ve really done everything to make that door work for me.  In the past, I’d change myself to try to fit the door before I’d question whether it would perhaps be easier and make more sense to get a new door.  

            So what I’m trying to say is, we’re thinking about moving again.  It’s a tough decision because I don’t want to let go of our current door, which is far from intolerable.  It’s quite lovely, even still.  It’s comfortable in many ways.  And yet, there’s a pull to change, the promise of a lovelier situation if we let go of this one.  There’s the promise of a lovelier, not yet apparent situation. 

            So we have a bird in the hand that we must set free to pursue two in the bush.  From that perspective it’s clear why we’re not closing the door, or letting go of our current bird.  It’s scary.  We could wind up bird-less.  These sayings don’t have any timing on them.  How long is that limbo place between closing the door and opening a new one?  What about letting things evolve?  What about stability as a value in itself?  What about …. and then I hear myself and the mean Evie voice says, “Shape up! Fear, fear, fear.  Get on with it!”  And the kind auntie voice says, “It’s ok, everything is happening just as it should.  You are loved.  You are protected.  You are safe on your journey wherever it leads.”  And I breathe again and realize I am so lucky to be able to have all these choices and to pay attention to all these feelings and to live this life as myself, for myself and my family as we are, stepping gently forward together as the doors and the birds and all kinds of life events come and go around us.  It's a lovely situation.