GET IT GOING

            Sitting down to write my whole body hurts.  I can inventory it all.  I am uncomfortable.  I am not comfortable.  My wrist hurts.  My hips hurt.  I don’t want to be typing.  I don’t want to be sitting.  I don’t want to be thinking.  I don’t want to be feeling. 

            But not typing, sitting, thinking or feeling is even worse than doing those things.  I know.  So I will do those things.  Right here, right now, on this page.  And maybe you will read about it here and you, you sweet kind person, will find your inner sweet kind person and tell me nice things about it, or think nice things about it, or be inspired to be sweeter and kinder to yourself. 

            I think that is the point, a lot of the point, to me.  That is the beginning of it all and from there it flows out.  The sweeter and kinder I get to myself, the sweeter and kinder I can be to others.

            People use a lot of words to describe what I’m calling being sweet and kind.  They talk about actions like helping others or say do unto others as you would have done unto you.  Mike says it would be more appropriate to say do unto others as they would have done unto them.  We each of us is different and each of us has some common needs, the need to be seen, heard, recognized.  How in the world can I expect you to fulfill those needs of mine if I am unwilling to see, hear, or recognize myself?

            How many years or lifetimes of running and hiding before I will – yes – have the courage to live as I am, how I am, joyfully.  To trust that no, I won’t be homeless, fat, alone, lonely, unloved and unlovable if I … what … Give up on developing abs? Give up on getting my realtor’s license?  Returning to legal work, getting a new car, bleaching my roots, perfecting my backhand?

            I give up.  I’m getting it going.  I like getting it going, just not for myself.  SLINC.  Sascha Liebowitz Incorporated.  It’s going down.  And by that I mean it’s blowing up.  But in a very non-like-a-G6 kinda, kale-growing, bed-by-nine, well really eight, kinda way.