More Reality-Acceptance Indicated/So That Happened

So I was at my physical therapist Satya’s office and telling her about how excited I was because of doing more yoga lately and feeling good in my body, but also, there’s this one pose that’s supposed to be like this, where the cue is like this, but where to do that thing with this part at the same time as this other thing with that part, well, it’s a no-go. 

Like, my body don’t do that.  And then I go demonstrating for her the thing I know my body doesn’t do without pain, and I’m negotiating with the truth of my physical form, negotiating with reality, moving my foot around showing her like, “See I can ‘get’ this part there if I move this other part here, but then, that’s kinda awkward plus I’m maybe spasming in my ….”

And then Zing!!! And my knee straightened right up automatically to come out of the too-deep-a-bend-for-me-to-be-okay-pose, which I think in Sanskrit is something like, “youtotaljackassana,” because seriously, yes seriously, that happened. In my physical therapist’s office.

What I’d done was perfectly designed to injure myself exactly that way, and I knew it. I’d gone from sitting cross-legged on a sofa for more than two hours of back-to-back zooms, to driving to her office, to immediately thrusting my cold self beyond my edge, to demonstrate where my edge was, in an effort to recruit this person to magically “improve” me.  Meaning, get my knee to bend more than it bends.   Because why? Because I want that.  Because why?  Because parallel to floor good, therefore not parallel to floor bad.  And who wants to be bad? Not Me!!!

Basically, the opposite of all higher teachings I’ve ever received: the opposite of discernment, the opposite of kindness, the opposite of compassion, the opposite of humility and acceptance. But … but … if only ….

“I can’t believe I just tweaked out my knee while showing you the thing that tweaks out my knee,” I said.  Satya looked at me above her mask with soft eyes of empathy.  I was okay, I knew I’d be okay, despite the tweak, which was already progress, the knowing I’d be okay despite the physical and emotional sting of this opportunity for growth, served up again.

“I’d love to be done learning this lesson so it could stop being repeated,” I said. 

“Yes,” she said. And then we moved around some. And so, more self-acceptance, more reality-acceptance, in the physical realm, and other realms, indicated.  I’m gonna keep going.

Note: The tweaked knee worked it’s way out, the ego another story.