Control/Out of Control

When it feels like things are out of control, like when a winter storm threatens the safety of my home and neighborhood or I can’t get my son Ax to wash his hair, or whatever isn’t going the way it would be going if I were in charge, I have choices:

I can become consumed by my strong emotions and allow them to drive my thoughts, words, and actions.  Or I can take a moment, remember who I am, how I want to show up, take a breath, ask for help, and go from there.

For example, with the rain I can say, “Hey, I can’t make the rain stop but I can make sure our drainage systems are clear and our house is watertight. I can get my family out of the way of any potential danger and I’m grateful we have these options.”

With the kiddo hair washing, I can choose to focus on the fact that our son is kind, funny, considerate, and passionate about tennis and LEGO, rather than on the (in)frequency with which he washes his hair.  It’s my choice to parent in a way that gives him agency even when I don’t like his choices.  I might be able to get him to wash his hair more frequently by shaming, overpowering, punishing, bribing, or manipulating him, but how I show up is more important to me than combatting his occasional greasies.

The point is, I’ve missed the point when I’m forget to focus first on the stuff I really am in charge of - my own inner garden.  Like, am I tending to my  breakfast, lunch, dinner, my nature time, program time, physical body care time, mind body care time, spiritual connectivity time, solo time, social time, caring for others time?

When I’m dying, will I be grateful to this me, my then-past me, for how I spent my time, what my priorities were?  Will I wish I’d gotten my kid to wash his hair more frequently?  Will I wish we’d remodeled the kitchen?  Or will I be happy I let go of all of that, today, so I could enjoy my family and friends as they are and my life as it is?  I’m gonna keep going.